God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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