franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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