Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
