GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We have started to decorate penises.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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