Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
