we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
