dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
