Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
