Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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