I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
