living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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