god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
