when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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