Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My balls are so social today.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
