Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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