my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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