Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
