They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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