i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
