I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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