if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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