so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
