Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
