you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Houston, we have a blender
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Randomize
