You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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