I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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