Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
