i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
