So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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