i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ketchup is God's man juice
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is Oprah even human
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
