Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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