they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
