my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
