They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize