I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
