suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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