I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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