I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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