She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did I show you my penis last night?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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