Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
