i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
