So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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