just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
