Porn is love you can see.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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