I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
