I met the friendliest cop last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
