If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
