Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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