Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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