I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
