Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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