you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
