I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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