Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm too high and old for this...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
