The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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