we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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