So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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