Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
