I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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