I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
