I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
