Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
