How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's paint friendship bongs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
