she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
