The maid of honor just puked.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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