It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
