I will die if light touches me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
