There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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