I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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