i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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