Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
