Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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