ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
