she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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