Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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