I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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