I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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