Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
