just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
