I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
