How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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