the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
