we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
