where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Plan B is the new Plan A
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
