You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
