Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
