That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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