our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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