He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize